return from ichabod has been the creative euphoria that i could never attain
the thing i feel the need to depict through word or paint or pixels
but it is that thing that i love so deeply that it is near impossible to recreate
it is that thing that my mind has created and recreated so many times
that it isnt simply one thing it has become an ongoing and developing theme to my life
Ichabod means
the joy of the Lord hath departed
so in my mind return from ichabod
has become this traverse from the emptiness and solitude
of a forsaken relationship with that which gives us hope
to the joy and contentment of a real and alive relationship
the image begins
a dark Forrest
dead trees and brittle earth
howling wind and haunted eyes are the only things that give you comfort
a dull and lifeless moon hangs low
as if it were brushing atop the crests of this broken Forrest
and you
almost in mockery of the moon
are bent
the weight of your shame and disappointment have burdened you to the point of breaking
how can i be here
how could i have wondered so far from where i want to be
how could i have turned my back on you again
your pace is slow
your breath is shallow
and your feet are dragging across the jagged stone and softened turf
whatever strands of hope you had left in you
whatever strength you thought you had possessed
have long since faded
and now you are alone
no friends to help you
no loved ones to comfort
no material thing to take pleasure in
nothing
but the silence
yet soon even the silence is broken
as you scream
you scream as if the remainder of the energy you had reserved within you
were surfacing in the form of vibrations through you vocal chords
no words were uttered
only emotion was released in this howl of desperation
you fall to the ground in defeat
hoping that somewhere someone has heard your cry
hoping that your father will catch the slightest note of your distress call
and come running to save you
as your body lay lifeless upon the ground
something stings your tired eyes
your pupils dilate behind their closed lids
light?
is that light
quickly you open your eyes
off in the distance you see a faint glimmer
you push yourself to your feet and stand in awe
a warm light has appeared in the distance
hope fills your soul
and strength fills your bones
slowly you walk towards the light
forgetting the sadness and desperation
surrounding you
focusing only on the light
faster you walk
till soon your running at full speed
the light grows
it seems as if it for each step you take the light moves towards you
as if the light is coming to you
and now you can see an opening in the wood
it looks as if it leads from the forest into a bright field
you start to feel the warmth on your skin as you reach the break
a gentle breeze blows through your hair
and the scent of grass and wild flowers fills your nostrils
the stalks of wheat flow in the wind
crashing against your body like the waves upon the sand
you run through the tall grass like a child
spinning wild and free
all the while not noticing that your father is watching
then he catches your eye
and you fall down before him
and as tears fill your eyes
you whisper
im sorry father
all is forgiven
and now the sadness that once filled your soul
the heartache that plagued your consciousness
has faded away with one look into your fathers eyes
and you are once again complete
you are free
you are happy
you are warm
you are home
--------------------------
my words will never capture
what my mind has created
nor will my camera.... but i tried
